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Therapist Response
Yes, abusers can change, but not all do. Each person who has been abusive is a unique person and their story is unique. It is the experience of our batterer intervention program (BIP) that everyone wants to be successful in life. While it is true there are widely varying ideas of what success means, the vast majority of abusers want to love and be loved, to understand and be understood. In the words of one group member success means “to be a nice man married to a nice woman who loves me and I love her, who likes to be with me and I like to be with her, who enjoys our children with me as we raise them to be decent people and we all live a decent, enjoyable, crisis free life.”
There is not agreement among the experts on batterer intervention what changes people. In our BIP we use a motivational approach. We believe that the relationship between the facilitators of the groups and the group members creates the setting from which the clients have the choice and the opportunity to change. We view the clients as people who have a number of strengths but who have also engaged in abusive behavior. We present material in a positive respectful manner, encouraging the clients to consider ways they might implement these new ideas in their lives to help them achieve their personal life and relational goals. We support their attempts at adopting these life changes, complimenting them on their achievements and applauding their increases in self-efficacy, self-awareness, self-esteem and resulting empathy and compassion.
To the degree we are able to track the statistics in our county, less than 10% of the clients who complete our program re-offend.
Carolyn Rexius, LCSW Executive Director Christians as Family Advocates Eugene, Oregon
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