|
Therapist Response
Simply because they can. Abusive men choose to be abusive. The key word in the question is ‘claim’ to love. Abuse and love cannot coexist. Where there is love in a relationship, there is not abuse. Women tell me, “He’s only hit me once in the past month and he pays for our food and clothing and he’s such a good father to our children.” My response is a good father does not hit his children’s mother, not even once. When a man abuses his wife, he is also abusing his children. Too many of our institutions – legal, religious, work, social, cultural – support men having power and control at all costs. We can talk about these men having been abused themselves, being alcohol and drug addicts, living in poverty, etc. and for many abusive men these facts are true. But not all addicts abuse women. Not all poor men abuse women. Domestic violence has no profile. This issue affects all people of all cultures in all nations. Men abuse because they can and when we stop allowing them to abuse and hold them accountable for their abusive behaviors and get them the help they need, domestic violence will significantly decrease.
Catherine DeLoach Lewis, Licensed Professional Counselor Charlotte, NC
Therapist Response
There are many possible explanations for this question. Experts in domestic violence do not agree on a single answer. One possible answer is the same reason anyone hurts another person. They want to teach them a lesson. They want to punish them for the pain they feel the other has caused them. They want to scare them into doing what they want them to do.
Some of the men are bullies and get satisfaction out of feeling strong by exploiting another’s perceived or actual weakness. Some of the men believe that only one person can be in charge and they are willing to hurt the other in whatever way will work for them to have the “misguided” perception that they are right, strong, smart and totally in charge. Some men have a twisted faith system that causes them to believe that it is their duty to hurt their partner if that is what is necessary to bring her “into submission.”
Carolyn Rexius, LCSW Executive Director Christians as Family Advocates Eugene, Oregon
|
|
