Why don’t women leave men who abuse them?

Theologian Response

It is very easy to condemn the woman who stays in an abusive relationship or - having left - decides to return. Realistically, this is sometimes the only option that a woman has. Her husband may have warned her that he will kill her if she leaves him and he may further have observed that she simply would not know how to manage on her own. He may have restricted her life so that she cannot drive a car, obtain a job adequate to meet her needs, simply to survive in a society from which she has long been isolated. We might do well to meditate on the story of the slave woman Hagar (Genesis 16:1-16; 21:8-21) who has an encounter with God as she is fleeing an abusive situation. Impregnated by her master and abused by her mistress, she is promised that she will become mother of a mighty nation. Despite the abuse, God sends her back from the harsh desert to her unkind mistress Sarah. An unfortunate arrangement but one that provided for her survival during her delivery and the infancy of her son. - the best option under the circumstances. Later she and the young boy are released and sent away free to find a new life in hazardous circumstances. God’s loving care has accompanied her throughout the difficult journey and brings her at last to a position of independence and self sufficiency. This is a story well worth pondering. We are told that the typical woman who leaves an abusive marriage attempts seven separations before she finally completes the break. How often we try to help a desperate woman with shelter, food, child care and support - only to have her return to her abuser! It is so very easy to lose patience and so very exhausting to continue offering a helping hand in the next crisis.

Dr. Catherine Clark Kroeger, President, Peace and Safety in the Christian Home (PASCH)