Why don’t women leave men who abuse them?

Pastor Response

Women remain in abusive relationships for a variety of reasons: 

• Safety - They fear for their personal safety (as well as the safety of their children and other family members).  
• Hope - They are hopeful that the abuser will change.  Maybe he will get better.  Maybe he will keep his promises.  Some women falsely believe that if they adapt their own behavior, their abuser will change.
• Finances - They may fear the financial implications for them and for their children.  They may fear that they will not be able to manage their lives without their partner.  They may worry that some of their needs (and the needs of their children) are not going to be met.
• Religious Views - There are many cultural and religious beliefs around women leaving their marriage. People may have misinformed them about appropriate relationships and behavior.  There may be pressure from their religious community to stay in the relationship.
• Love - They may stay because they love their partner.
• Lack of options - They may stay because of a lack of options or a lack of knowledge of the options that are available.  They may stay because they have been unsuccessful in previous attempts in leaving the relationship.
• Control -  The level of control exerted on them may make them feel powerless to leave.

There are a host of reasons why women may stay with an abusive partner.  They can be many and multi-layered.

Daphne Marsden Spreydon Baptist Church ChristChurch, New Zealand