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Pastor Response
The truth is most of us are not angry enough about those things that should make us angry; the evils in our society, evils that are by-products of the abuse of authority and power, that cause untold human misery, including the evils of spouse abuse, child abuse, and sexual abuse. Our anger should not cause us to condemn, for only God has the right to condemn; but we should be angry enough to confront! Abusers need to be confronted, and the abused need to be comforted!
This is part of the message that is going out in churches across America in October, which has been designated for a number of years as “Domestic Violence Awareness Month.” I am thankful St. John’s is among those congregations in Charlotte recognizing that Christ’s Church must seriously and prayerfully consider the religious implications of domestic violence, and decide how to become a part of the answer to this critical problem, rather than being a part of the problem, as too many churches and pastors have been, and still are—not only by their silence on this issue, but by their misuse and abuse of Scripture to abuse women, and because of their failure to support victims and their refusal to confront abusers—an ugly truth that should make us angry, angry enough to do something about it—angry enough to speak out—angry enough to protest—angry enough to proclaim without any apology, without any embarrassment: “There is no excuse for abuse!”
I am angry when I learn of pastors who are abusive husbands. I have met them. I have known their victims. Of course, most of them are in denial. They do not consider themselves abusers. In fact they believe God is on their side when they use their authority and power to keep their wives submissive. But I stand before you this morning as a Minister of the Word and Sacraments to say, “No! God is not on the side of abusers! He is on the side of the abused!” Let me say it again: “There is no excuse for abuse!”
I am thankful for the opportunity to be a part of this congregation’s effort to inform and educate the staff, leaders, members, and friends of St. John’s regarding the grievous sin of spouse abuse, and the role of the whole Body of Christ in dealing with this problem that breaks the heart of God! Our Father in heaven suffers with His abused children. The God we worship, the God we believe in, the God who has been revealed most fully in the person of Jesus Christ, is not a God who afflicts His children with suffering. Our God is a suffering God, who suffers with us! This is the whole meaning of the cross! He has carried our sorrows! He has borne our infirmities! He was wounded for our transgressions! He was crushed for our iniquities! He was oppressed, stricken, and abused! He was beaten, battered, and bruised, although He had done no violence Himself (Isaiah 53:4-5,7-9).
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Pastor Response
The church community has significant role to play in condemning family and sexual abuse as a sin and a crime in the sight of God and our society.
It must also be a place where true reconciliation is found through contrition, repentance and amendment of life. There must be no spiritual bypasses built around the Cross.
We are invited, in remembrance of Christ, to make the church a safe place where we can speak to each other with passion, without having the words catch in our throats. We are charged with building a welcoming community whose eyes will light up as we enter and whose voices will celebrate our coming into power.
I long to see our churches less distracted by their own domestic conflicts around right belief or right rubrics or conformity to controlling social or authority patterns. I long to see us focused on doing the compassionate work that needs to be done in remembrance of Christ.
Here those who have known abuse must find arms to hold them when they falter, and a circle of true friends who will not judge first and reject later.
Hope in a violent society, arises from compassion’s heart articulated in collaborative action. Open yourselves to partner with others of skill, position and passion. Sow some seeds together and be amazed at the results.
True hope in a violent society is discovered when we realize that we are inwardly held in communion with a Love that bears all things and will not finally let us be destroyed—- Christ the hope of all who suffer. Christ in whose remembrance we are raised from violence and death into a new body of compassionate living.
The Very Rev. Robert Pynn Dean Emeritus Anglican Diocese of Calgary Calgary, Alberta
Pastor Response
We carry within us the liberating word and love of God, and we must proclaim it and live it in all of our interactions . . . By your being able to speak of interpersonal violence you proclaim that you are someone it is probably safe to talk to about such things. You never know when as the coffee is being poured or the pizza box being passed someone will say, “you know, I am worried about my daughter in an abusive marriage,” or, “the teens at school seem to be confused about the difference between a guy loving them and a guy stalking and controlling them,” or even, “that happened to me.” You have the power within you to be Jesus to a person who is ashamed, isolated, and scared to death. You can proclaim in word and deed that God created us in love and for love, that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free, that love and abuse are not the same thing, that she or he is worthy of love and safety. You can say that you know where to find the resources that can get help for her or him. You can tell the person that you will stand by her or him as they live into the love of God who has always brought people out of the bondage under the tyranny of the Pharaohs of this world, who was at work in Mary and Joseph who brought the vulnerable baby Jesus into safe territory until the cruel King Herod who wanted him killed was no longer in power, who like Jesus met the woman at the well and helped her break free of looking for love in all the wrong places and of living a tragic story that is not in alignment with God’s purposes for her.
God is always at work to set captives free. You do not need to be afraid to carry on God’s liberating work, for God is with you and is already at work in you and through you. Right now you may not know the next survivor of abuse you will encounter, but she or he needs and longs to be known and led to safety and freedom. He or she needs and longs to know of the infinite love and mercy of God who creates each one of us in God’s own image and rejoices as we live into our God-given dignity. You may not know the next survivor of abuse you will encounter, but God knows, and wants to use you to lead people to deeper freedom in Christ.
Reverend Dr. Sarah M. Rieth, Charlotte, NC
Pastor Response
The church is a critical link in breaking the chain of domestic violence. People will often turn to a Minister or a church to seek solace and comfort in the midst of a spiritual and physical crisis that has been brought on because of domestic violence.
It is essential that the Minister in particular and the congregaton in general be fully cognizant of the issues that surround domestic violence. Biblical admonitions to maintain the marriage bond in the face of domestic violence must not be upheld. Rather, the church must provide support, nurture, unconditional love and, above all, concrete suggestions as to how to end the violence. The church must never be reluctant to work with social agencies in the community to deal with cases of domestic violence within the church.
In addition, the church must not maintain a code of secrecy about the issue of domestic violence. In fact, educational workshops, sermons and outreach programs within the church must address the issue of domestic violence with courage, clarity and conviction.
(Rev.) Linda C. Hunter, Wild Rose United Church, Calgary, Alberta
Pastor Response
The church can focus on prevention by teaching theological and gender issues so that equality is promoted as an ideal relationship model. The church can model the equality of gender in its practices, i.e. use of inclusive language, gender equality represented in decision making, and delivery of practice in the context of worship and other church related activities. The church can be a place to offer options that can be accessed by women who are in need of assistance in facing domestic violence (i.e. medical, counseling, the justice system, the court system, shelters, the police system). The church should always empower women, should be nonjudgmental, and should believe the victim.
Daphne Marsden Spreydon Baptist Church ChristChurch, New Zealand
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