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Advocate Response
Domestic violence/abuse is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior that is directed at one intimate partner by the other. Typically women are the victims, at least in heterosexual relationships, but anyone can become a victim. It really has nothing to do with race, religion, IQ, socio-economic status or whether a person has good self-esteem. This is because the abuse typically manifests after the courtship, when the couple is already bonded. When it starts, it usually takes the victim by surprise and she may conclude think that it’s some sort of sickness. Abuse usually starts out as verbal putdowns and escalates to emotional, psychological, sexual and/or physical violence. It is all about gaining & maintaining power and control over the partner. Many times it involves threats towards the victim or her loved ones, monitoring her whereabouts, accusing her of being unfaithful, intimidation tactics, destroying her property, treating her like a servant and isolating her from family and friends. It tends to escalate over time, all the while slowly chipping away at the victim’s self esteem. Lots of survivors have told me, “The betrayal and the emotional abuse was by far the worst part. My physical scars healed a long time ago, but the emotional scars are still there. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again.”
Survivor and Domestic Violence Advocate, Charlotte, NC
Outreach Worker Response
I believe that this definition describes abuse.
“Abuse is a serious physical or emotional injury to a person which results from an “act” or “omission”, including unconsented to sexual activity. An “act” is a person’s intentional, reckless or negligent action. “Omission” is a person’s failure to take action to protect or provide for the daily living needs of another person.” (Disabled Persons Protection Commission, Massachusetts)
Maggie MacKillop HomeFront,
Calgary
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