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Pastor Response
The typical “cycle of violence” looks like this—harassment, intimidation, verbal abuse, ultimately escalating into physical violence. This familiar cycle is almost always followed by that so-called “honeymoon phase” with apologies, flowers, candy, or an evening out, which gives abused women hope, but it is false hope! For it isn’t very long until the abuse has begun again, the cycle is repeated, the same old tactics are being used to maintain control, and they find themselves in the same situation as before. Nothing has changed!
Those who have not battered their wives seldom consider themselves an abuser, because there has been no physical violence in their home. However, each of them has used his strength and verbal abuse to intimidate, dominate, and humiliate his wife. All of them have abused their wives emotionally, verbally, mentally, and psychologically.
Studies reveal that one out of every three women have been, or will be in their lifetime, a victim of abuse. That shocking statistic includes the women in our church families. If you have been a victim of either date rape or spouse abuse, if you are in an abusive relationship at this time, you have probably tried to keep it a secret. You are so embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, confused, and also very afraid. Those of you who are single, with abusive boyfriends, find yourselves in a similar situation, though there are differences. If your abuser is your husband, he has probably tried to isolate you from your family, your friends, as well as your extended family in the Body of Christ, except for public worship. He may even participate in Sunday morning worship with you, and may be sitting beside you in the pew right now. He may be in the choir. He may have a leadership position in the church, for that contributes to his reputation as a good man. However, he is not a good man. No man who abuses his wife is a good man!
Rev. Robert S. Owens Presbyterian Church U.S.A. (retired)
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