Church Youth Group Program About Violence Against Women

Take a few moments to talk about some of the statistics on this website so that group members realize that violence against women is a major problem. 

CASE STUDY.  Pass out a copy of the following case study for each student to read:

Your friend Jan has seemed more withdrawn than usual.  She has been a good friend, but you don’t know a lot about her home because her father is very strict and doesn’t allow her to have any friends visit.  He is a very successful and well-liked person in the community.  You’ve asked Jan why she always wears long sleeves and she just says that says she is cold, but a couple of times you thought you saw bruises on her arms.  This afternoon she came to you and said that last night her father got really angry and began hitting her and her mother.  She said it was worse than usual and that she is very afraid to go home today.  She asks you to pray for her and her mother, and she begs you to promise that you won’t tell anyone because if anyone finds out it will just make it worse.

FOR GROUP DISCUSSION:  (you should divide the students into groups of no more than five or six, with an adult leader):

• If you were Jan’s friend, what would you tell Jan?
• Who do you think could help Jan and her mother?
• Is it okay to tell someone even though Jan made you promise that you wouldn’t? 
• What does the Bible have to say about Jan’s situation?
• Is it ever okay for a father to hit his wife or children?
• How do you think a church could do to help Jan and her family?

LEADERS’ RESOURCES:

1.  It is very important that students know that they should never keep information like this a secret.  Jan mistakenly thinks that telling someone about the violence in her home will make things worse.  The friend should not compound Jan’s mistaken belief by keeping it a secret.  In a church youth group, there may be those who think that being a Christian means never breaking a confidence.  Explain that Jan’s friend should keep the confidence placed in him or her by not telling any other friends or anyone who cannot help, but the friend should definitely tell his or her own parents, teacher, and the school guidance counsellor right away.  Jan’s friend may also need to talk to someone to help him or her know how to deal with the information and how to be a good friend, but he or she should first make sure that someone is helping Jan. 

2.  The discussion provides a good opportunity for students to become aware of the people in the community who can help people like Jan and her mother.  Do they know if there is a women’s shelter in the community, what it does, and how to contact it?  Do they know what happens when someone asks for help with violence in the home?  Be sensitive:  there may be students in your youth group who are just like Jan—scared to ask for help because they think it will make things worse.  It is likely that someone in the group suspects that a friend lives in a violent home.  Knowing what help is available may give them the courage to act or to seek help.  Maybe you could invite a worker or board member from the women’s shelter to give a brief talk about what they do and how they help.  Be prepared to refer an abused student for immediate help if they approach you after the lesson to tell you about abuse that they are experiencing. 

3.  It is important that that the students understand that there are some secrets that they should never keep.  If someone is in danger of being harmed, or of harming themselves, then they should always tell someone who can help.  They should not tell any friends or anyone who is not in a position of being able to help, but they should immediately tell someone who will know how to make sure the person is kept safe.

During the discussion, you can help the students think through the whole idea of “keeping secrets” by asking about the following scenario: 

Sometimes one friend tells another friend that they have something to tell them that is a REALLY big secret. The friend who is about to tell the story asks the other friend to PROMISE not to say a word to anyone, ever.  What should you do if your friend asks you to make such a promise?  Encourage them to see that they should respond by saying something like this:  “It depends. I promise not to tell our other friends. I promise not to gossip, or put your secret on face-book. But, if you tell me something that make me fearful for your safety, I would have to tell an adult who could help you. I could not be silent. How could a good friend do that?”

4.  It is important to explain that the Bible condemns violence and abuse, and that includes violence and abuse by people who are in our own families.  The home is to be a place where we are loved and nurtured, not a place of fear and danger.  You might invite a pastor to give a brief talk about what the Bible teaches about violence in the home, or you can lead a Bible study using some of the scripture resources and Bible study guides on this website.  Make clear that it is never acceptable for family members to act violently against one another. 

Finally, let the students think of some practical ways that a Church family can help when a family is dealing with the results of violence.  Write down their best suggestions and pass them on to the church leadership.         

Steve McMullin,  MATS
RAVE Fredericton Team