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Stories of Hope and Inspiration After Violence Response from a Survivor1. What are Bill’s greatest needs at this time in his life? Bill needs consistency, stability and accountability. He needs to continue to work with his NA/AA sponsor and to continue to work his 12 step program in order to stay clean and sober. He needs to understand the difference between domestic violence and substance abuse and to be continually reminded that the substance abuse did cause his violence. He needs to continue to attend his batterer intervention program for as long as possible and to ask others to hold him accountable for his actions and attitudes every day. 2. What might a local congregation offer to a man in Bill’s situation? Local congregants can help Bill by holding him accountable and supporting his efforts to take responsibility for his violence. Healthy, stable men in the church can serve as role models and teachers, and educate themselves about both domestic violence and substance abuse. The church can offer other types of personal and spiritual growth opportunities, as well as parenting support and support for his daughter if he regains custody. 3. How might pastoral care dovetail with support offered by the faith-based batterer intervention program? The pastors and pastoral leadership of the church can serve as shepherds and teachers. They can work in partnership with the batterer intervention program, holding Bill accountable, keeping him focused on his goals and confronting him when he has slips. They can offer him spiritual support, prayer partnership, individual counseling and Bible Study opportunities. Bill’s pastors can introduce him to possible mentors and church members who are savvy and can provide Bill with the “tough love” that he needs to stay clean and sober, as well as violence free. They will need to watch carefully that he does not act inappropriately with women in the church family, since his life pattern has involved manipulating and abusing females, and vulnerable church women may be tempted to try to ‘rescue’ this wounded individual . Referral to and support of on-going long-term therapy would also be appropriate, since Bill’s problems are lifelong and his recovery will require hard work every day for the rest of his life. 4. What does Bill’s life help us to understand about the nature of hope? No matter how bad things have been, or how much has been lost, it is clear from Bill’s life story that no one and no situation is hopeless. With God all things are possible, and it is important that the church remember this and come along side victims as well abuser who are working to become non-violent. Bill represents a very tough personal profile for recovery, but his chances of success are good if he continues to routinely submit himself to the legal authorities and request on-going and indefinite accountability measures. A strong support system will be an important component of his change process. Survivor |
