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Stories of Hope and Inspiration After Violence Response from a Probation Officer1. What are Pete’s greatest needs at this time?
Pete has suffered from years of addiction. Today he realizes that substance abuse was only the symptom of a greater problem that resided in his heart. He has a history of unstable relationships, has been transient and lacks commitment in maintaining employment.
Pete’s speech gives a clue that he is manipulative. Presently he expresses a desire to do the right things for the right reason. His personal history reveals a man who may have been self deceived.
I Corinthians 3:18: Let no man deceive himself. If any among you think he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise.
It seems to me that Pete has lost his self identity and needs to find his new identify as a new creature in Christ. He needs to work to safeguard himself against being with persons or places that may result in him regressing in behavior.
Jesus taught his disciples to pray in Matthew 6:13: and lead us not into temptation.
2. What might a local congregation offer to a man in Pete’s situation?
Each local congregation is unique in its composition of members and depends upon the gifting of each member. Pete does not have a successful past in terms of having a stable and meaningful relationship.
There are two things that a local congregation might be able to offer Pete. First, if there is a men’s group, Pete should consider becoming attending with men in their activities. A second possibility for Pete is to find someone by whom he can be mentored. The two key elements are support and accountability. Either option would reinforce what Pete is learning in the faith-based group. It may also assist Pete in safeguarding him from regressing in behavior.
3. How might pastoral care dovetail with support offered by the faith-based batterer intervention program?
It would be easy for Pete to manipulate a young pastor or any pastor without training in the field of domestic violence. Anyone offering pastoral care should be encouraged to take some training in the area of domestic violence. Without proper training, it may be possible to give Pete mixed messages or the wrong message from the scriptures.
The church offering pastor care needs to exercise caution. A senior pastor with training in domestic violence would be in the best position to assist Pete. It is important for those providing pastoral care to exercise active listening skills. If the opportunity presents itself, pastoral care workers need to work collaboratively with those providing the faith-based program.
4. What challenges does ministering to a man like Pete present to a religious leader.
It is easy to become skeptical and judgmental. Pete has his faults and he has made a lot of mistakes along life’s path. Pete needs to know he is not alone in his struggle. He does not need to feel he is being judged or criticized. He may want to read Pilgrim’s Progress if this book is available in the church library.
Religious communities often fall into the trap of attempting match making. Entering into a relationship seems to be premature for Pete at this stage in his life.
It does not appear Pete has established his identity in Christ. He may benefit more from becoming rooted and grounded in his faith.
Bruce Llewellyn, Calgary, AB |
