|
Stories of Hope and Inspiration After Violence  Stories of Hope - Lesson #2 Advice Advocate Response
Response from a Advocate
1. What are Pete’s greatest needs at this time in his life?
Pete seems to be at a crossroad and this implies that he is open to changing and
reframing his life by modifying his many negative behaviors. However, statistically
and experientially the probability is not good. But not impossible with multiple
intervention options and continuous follow-up strategies from a variety of
professionals. His greatest needs include structure, a system for personal
accountability, and support.
2. What might a local congregation offer to a man in Pete’s situation?
First and foremost the local congregation could help by understanding the varied issues
he is dealing with and what are the current best practices for dealing with such. A
local congregation might be a part of the structure, systems of accountability and
support he needs. Many congregations have support groups, bible studies,
accountability partners, men’s groups, pastoral counseling and the support through
faith that might be a catalyst for long-term change. Guiding him to the right people
and groups is paramount; understanding that he will/may lie, manipulate and use before
he does is key to the most realistic outcome for him and those invested in working with
him. Using the rose colored glasses approach to change because he wants it and we have
asked God for it sets up both parties for failure. Ask for God’s help in ensuring that
the congregation (designated help) is clear when understanding the need to motivate and
support by holding him accountable for his past and present actions while uplifting him
when he is struggling and succeeding in making changes. Demanding that he walk the walk
and getting proof of this is ultimately the best and most faith centered thing that can
be done for him.
3. How might pastoral care dovetail with support offered by the faith-based batterer
intervention program?
Requiring a release of information to speak with other service providers, counselors,
and family members may seem unwarranted but it would same time and energy in the long
run. Holding him accountable in one area of his life only works if there is
consistency in all areas of his life. The congregation or faith partner may be the
lynch pin or may be a secondary but equally important piece. People can stop using,
quit battering, change their lives but they usually don’t without intense intervention
from more than one “life area.” For instance if he has a sponsor through AA he can
use that one person as a one stop shop for all his needs. On the other hand he is then
only responsible to that one person who will probably see his issues through one lens.
If he had a therapist, pastoral counselor, sponsor, lay accountability partner (all
preferably male) than he will have multiple opportunities for varied input and multiple
opportunities to be challenged to do the right thing, and more people to support him
through what is a very long process.
4. What challenges does ministering to a man like Pete present to a religious leader?
Time and expertise. The challenges are many but necessary. The faith community can
have the greatest impact on an individual’s motivation for change. Whether a
congregation wants to minister to men like Pete is not the issue….they are already.
Why not spend some time and energy on the front-end, training persons in the
congregation to deal with these issues. Then there is a much greater likelihood that
appropriate help can be given. Working with complex social problems isn’t learned by
trial and error. This, over time, ultimately leads to compassion fatigue, with the
faith partners becoming weary and suspicious of those who need the most help. Having a
realistic plan based on good training and best practices will help the individual, the
ministerial team, the congregation and the community.
Leigh Voltmer
Executive Director
The Shelter for Victims of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Columbia, MO
|
