Stories of Hope and Inspiration After Violence Stories of Hope - Lesson #3 Advice Lawyer Response

Response from a Lawyer

1. What are Skip’s greatest needs at this time in his life?

Skip seems to be quite self-reflexive and mature about his own vulnerability to falling back into old patterns. He needs to stay connected to his existing network, and to continue to cultivate the relationships that are helping him to stay centered and focused on re-building. Skip might be ready to be a mentor to other men who are the beginning stages of rebuilding. By reaching out to others, he might reinforce all of the positive steps he has taken to rebuild. Such interactions might also help to remind him of why he needs to stay connected and to highlight the sort of thinking that could take him back to old destructive patterns. He might also explore the possibility of being ready for other challenges—whether that means adding to his skill set or expanding his existing training in new ways.

2. What might a local congregation offer to a man in Skip’s situation?

He might have an opportunity to explore different directions for his faith to grow. He has found this to be a part of his new path, and so finding the right congregation could give him an opportunity to explore that path in a safe place. A congregation might also provide a structured community that would in part start to fill the gap left by the completion of the 52 week programme.

3. How does faith and faith-based connections weave throughout Skip’s life?

Skip seems to have positive links with faith through his grandmother. This link may be symbolic of the “good” in his life, and the possibility of continuing on a new path.

4. If you were the minister of the church Skip now attends, how would you understand pastoral care for this man and his family?

Skip needs to be valued and trusted in community, while at the same time being held accountable. For Skip this would seem to be a delicate balance. He’s willing to accept responsibility for his actions, and (somewhat unusually) not blaming alcohol or drugs even when others are willing to let him off the hook by calling on them for a “reason”. So, accountability needs to take the form of direct and honest conversation. A minister would need to be extremely sensitive to the possible vulnerability of Skip’s new partner without letting Skip’s past define the new start Skip has worked hard to secure. A minister would need to be aware of the various components of Skip’s support network, both inside and outside of the faith context, and be mindful of the importance of all of those pieces of support in helping Skip to continue to move forward.

Lori G. Beaman, LLB, PhD,
Canada Research Chair in the Contextualization of Religion in a Diverse Canada
University of Ottawa, ON