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Mending Broken Hearts Response from a Survivor1. What are Claire’s greatest needs at this time in her life? There needs to be a network of people to walk beside her in the long journey ahead; to support her in the decisions she chooses to make for her welfare and the welfare of her children. Our women generally felt that the pastor was too involved, and questioned the wisdom of him being her “protective shield.” One woman suggested that might actually be hindering the healing/growing process. A support group is powerful in giving her confidence in herself again, in building her self-worth and making good decisions (without giving any advice). 2. How did Pastor Steve begin to win Claire’s confidence? The women wondered how she could be so sure that “safety and confidentiality were assured” ~ that the church in general and the male pastor specifically was a safe place for her to go. One woman wondered about his “dropping in” at the Brown’s home ~ that put up some red flags for her. 3. What might a local congregation offer to a woman in Claire’s situation? Our women wondered if someone in the congregation had a cottage or vacation home close by for Claire and her children to go to for safety. The women felt acceptance, encouragement and practical support were important things the congregation could give to Claire. The women felt congregations still tend to be judgemental and suggested they become informed about the abuse of women by their spouses or significant others. 4. How would you assess Steve’s intervention with the Brown family? Would you have responded in a different or similar way? Everyone in our group (facilitators and group participants) had concerns about boundary issues, especially in his opening up his home to her and the children. One woman felt he was “putting himself at risk.” My co-facilitator read the story before we shared it with the women and said “So when does the affair begin?” Claire is very vulnerable in this situation, and it would have been wiser to have a woman or two come alongside Claire to encourage her, make her aware of options and support her choices. Some women felt the information which Steve had “at his fingertips” should have been given to Claire during the first visit. Pastor Steve should not be making visits to the home without his wife being with him. Even meeting at the church should be done in a room where the door is slightly ajar or a small window in the door for the protection of both parties. 5. What would you see as the next step in pastoral care? Support and accountability for George (if he is truly repentant and willing) will be essential if there is to be healing for this family. This would include long-term counselling/group work with someone trained in working with violent men. Claire will also need long-term support and encouragement, with the pastor taking a much smaller role than described so far. The Pastor should not expect Claire to move back in with George during his counselling process. George needs to understand how serious his abusive behaviour is and that Claire is also very serious in protecting herself and the children. 'When Love Hurts' Support Group |
