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Mending Broken Hearts Response from a Advocate1. What are Claire’s greatest needs at this time in her life? Claire’s great need is to be asked what she identifies as her current greatest needs. As outsiders, even well-trained outsiders, we can never presume to know what another person needs because we each have our own unique life experience which impacts our priorities, responses and needs. Even with the details provided regarding this story, there are many details we do not know that could impact her identification of greatest needs. To create an atmosphere in which Claire can openly process and discuss her life non-judgmentally, Claire needs someone who will not make assumptions about her life. Claire seems to be benefiting from having someone she can talk to confidentially about not only her current abuse but also her upbringing. It is likely that she has not talked about her feelings of self-blame or experience with abuse. Therefore, this interaction is critical to set the tone for how she would feel about further disclosure whether to Pastor Steve or anyone else. It is not important that she identify as an abused woman to process how such events have impacted her and receive domestic and sexual violence education. It is helpful to ask questions in a thoughtful manner that provokes dialogue about how someone can help. The self-identified greatest needs can change and so dialogue must be kept open. 2. How did Pastor Steve begin to win Claire’s confidence? Pastor Steve began to win’s Claire confidence by establishing trust. It is incredibly difficult for any victim, self-identified or not, to share their story, talk about their vulnerabilities and process their abuse. It is a great honor for someone to feel comfortable and take an incredible risk to disclose their abuse. 3. What might a local congregation offer to a woman in Claire’s situation? There are several things a local congregation can offer to help women like Claire who may not currently identify as a domestic violence victim. One, a local congregation might offer groups for women. These groups would not necessarily need to be advertised as a “domestic violence support group.” It could be advertised as a space to discuss relationships. A trained facilitator could provide information about domestic violence woven into sessions. Two, the congregation can offer sermons about what is domestic violence and its causes as well as distribute information. Three, they could have clergy and other leadership (for example, their partners) trained about domestic and sexual violence and how to appropriately respond. 4. How would you assess Steve’s intervention with the Brown family? Would you have responded in a different or similar way? There were strengths and weaknesses in Pastor Steve’s intervention. I would have responded similarly as Pastor Steve by establishing rapport and trust with the Brown family. He created an open environment for communication. Offering home visitation was an excellent option to reduce isolation of the family. Further, he did not view domestic violence as a private matter. He recognized that his role as a religious leader is to proactively address domestic violence in the best way possible to hold a batterer accountable and keep a victim’s safety as first priority. He was ready with resources and referrals when Claire was ready for additional help. There are some things I would have done different. For instance, Pastor Steve should not be “waiting for the right moment” as he may be all the help she seeks and she may not want additional resources. She may never choose to leave or seek services beyond him. Further, Claire needs to be a part of the “assessing danger” process. Pastor Steven’s main focus should be reducing her isolation and increasing her safety rather than assessing her danger. When he “encouraged” that Claire and the children take refuge at his house it is important to remember that there is a fine line between fostering empowerment and forcing empowerment. If Pastor’s Steve’s home is an option, then it should be mentioned but no one option should be encouraged. Some of Pastor Steve’s beliefs reflect myths about domestic violence. For example, he was “shocked that a woman with a university degree” would believe the abuse was her fault rather than identify this as a common response among any victim. He also believed that it was “history repeating itself.” 5. What would you see as the next step in pastoral care? Pastor Steve should continue his dialogue and support with Claire and her boys. Jennifer L. Carter, MSW Program Development Specialist Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence Response from a Advocate1. What are Claire’s greatest needs at this time in her life? Claire’s greatest needs are support and safety planning for herself and her children. 2. How did Pastor Steve begin to win Claire’s confidence? We thought that his approach of building trust first was a good one. He did good job of getting her confidence slowly and letting her story unfold. Often the story starts with one aspect and then there is a lot more to the story. We thought it was great that he allowed that to unfold. 3. What might a local congregation offer to a woman in Claire’s situation? The local congregation could help with financial issues that would support Claire’s choices – for example, if she chooses to live at home she might need financial help to do that. Perhaps they could assist her in seeking shelter if she chooses to leave her home. The church could also help in networking for jobs, breaking through the isolation and helping her to stay involved in the community. Importantly, they should believe her and validate her concerns. 4. How would you assess Steve’s intervention with the Brown family? Would you have responded in a different or similar way? We believe an advocate has a different perspective – for example, how to talk to Claire out of the home and not put her or the advocate in danger. There is also a need for support and safety – safety planning is important. Issues of confidentiality are also very important, as are resources. Do not blame her, do not push her. It is her story to tell and not for the pastor to share. There should be separate resources for her that she could get anonymously. We thought it was okay for Steve to go into her home but important that he not make her more unsafe. Clergy have to look at whole piece to ensure that they are not doing something that will make it more dangerous. We also believe there should be some accountability on the part of the abuser. 5. What would you see as the next step in pastoral care? Hopefully the pastor is at the place where he can really start doing referrals and he might now help her get in touch with the local shelter. Go with her to the shelter if that is what she would like and help with the first interaction so that she can build trust with the advocates if that is what she wants to do. There is always suspicion in terms of religious folks. I don’t know how this person thinks in terms of gender roles - that is not in there so that worries me. A local rabbi called me in to safety plan and I don’t see this person doing that. We thought it was interesting that the abuser is now coming to church with her so that leaves us wondering if it was intentionally, but she has even less chance to be by herself. This was her safe place and he was now there. There is the potential of minimizing the abuse because he is now going to church. Womenspace Staff Eugene, OR |
