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Mending Broken Hearts Response from a Therapist1. What were Claire’s greatest needs? Claire has two urgent needs: a safe place to take her children and finances to support herself and her children. The pastor was able to provide a place at the parsonage temporarily, which was a relationship builder for Claire to continue to trust him to help her. However, Claire needed someone to help her develop a safety plan to either leave her husband or connect her to a community resource to walk her through the logistics of filing a restraining order. She had been physically, emotionally, verbally, and mentally abused and it was just a matter of time that her husband would begin to abuse the children. Safety needed to be emphasized and a specific plan developed even though she was not ready to act on the plan. Claire also when meeting with the pastor needed to be educated on domestic violence and alcoholism and taught that one does not cause the other. Claire believed that she was a woman married to a man with a drinking problem. Her denial of the dire circumstances she was living in and placing her children in was only increasing her danger. She also did not consider herself a battered wife even though she had received bruises and beatings. The pastor had an opportunity to call her husband’s behavior abuse. Educating victims in the early stages of counseling is difficult because they live in a state of trauma. There is only so much information they can absorb. They can, however, understand fear because it is the emotion they have lived with every day. When we name their experience abuse each time, then eventually the victim begins to connect her fear to the violence she has experienced by the perpetrator and understands her fear is congruent to what has been happening to her. She feels less crazy. 2. How did Pastor Steve begin to win Claire’s confidence? Pastor Steve assured Claire of safety and confidentiality. Claire knew that Pastor Steve would not contact her husband. Pastor Steve also believed Claire’s story. Pastor Steve also made “home” visits after George, Claire’s husband starting coming to church with her. With one of the visits he realized the danger Claire and her sons were in and offered the parsonage as a safe place for them to stay for the night. 3. What might a local congregation offer to a woman in Claire’s situation? If a church has a Stephen Ministry, then they could offer her a Stephen Minister to be someone who will care and listen. Stephen Ministers are trained lay counselors who minister only within the competencies of their training. If a church’s staff, pastors, elders, and lay leaders have been formally trained in domestic violence, they can establish a DV Ministry in their church that includes temporary housing, childcare, and benevolence funds to help with bills and professional counseling and legal assistance if needed. If a local congregation is not trained in domestic violence, then the church is somewhat limited in how it can help the victim but it can do some things:
4. How would you assess Steve’s intervention with the Brown family? His initial intervention with Claire was very appropriate and pastoral. He provided a safe place for her and assured her of confidentiality. The more safety he provided for her, the more she confided in him. He believed her, enabling her to trust him and tell him more of her story. The pastor had referral information to give Claire when she was ready to act. 5. Would you have responded in a different or similar way? My initial response as a therapist would have been similar; providing safety and explaining confidentiality but also clarifying the limits of confidentiality. As a pastor, home visits can be given. Professional counselors do not tend to make home visits even though some will. As a pastor making a home visit and assessing danger, offering the parsonage seemed the appropriate intervention. However, another alternative could have been finding another church family to provide temporary shelter. If a pastor is single he could be accused of impropriety. It would be unlikely that a victim would be invited to stay at the therapist’s home. Such actions would break ethical and professional codes. The therapist would help the victim identify her resources and encourage her to utilize them while respecting her client’s decisions. The difficulty is in balancing the victim’s right to decide when to leave and continuing to assess the danger by not leaving. Eventually if the danger escalates, the therapist will need to talk with her about breaking confidentiality and reporting the danger her children are in to the proper agencies. This would need to be done in a respectful yet firm manner since the victim may not be in a position to act on behalf of her children because of her own trauma. 5. What would you see as the next step in pastoral care? Again, the pastor was able to provide a connection with Claire that a therapist is more limited in offering. However, I believe Pastor Steve needed a support system to continue supporting Claire. My concern was that if he waited too long for Claire to act then he would enable her not to act. He needed to have a time frame to gently and firmly get her connected to community resources trained in domestic violence and possible intervention services for George’s alcoholism. Catherine DeLoach Lewis Licensed Professional Counselor Charlotte, NC Response from a Therapist1. What were Claire’s greatest needs? The number one priority for Claire is her safety. This must take precedence to all other therapeutic or counselling goals. An exit strategy needs to be developed so that Claire knows exactly who to call on, what to do and where to go when she senses danger. Above all she must be assured a safe haven from George. This can be difficult to achieve because George’s binge drinking episodes makes the anger and violence less predictable. As his life spirals further out of control because of his addictions, his violence towards Claire and the children could become more and more serious. It would be a mistake for a therapist to assume that George may not be capable of the worst forms of assault. Depending on their age, the children could be involved in knowing the exit strategy and what to do when Claire is being attacked. It is also important that Claire be encouraged to involve the police when George is threatening or violent. The police force, not pastors, or therapists, have the skills to deal with violent behavior. Although a charge could threaten George’s career as a schoolteacher, Claire’s protection must involve law enforcement. Once all the safeguards are established, the therapist would work with Claire on various emotional and personal issues that may be preventing her from separating from George. Helping a victim of domestic violence escape an abusive relationship can be a long and difficult process. The therapist must be willing to accept that Claire may make repeated attempts to leave before she makes the final break from George. 2. How did Pastor Steve begin to win Claire’s confidence? The most important way that Pastor Steve established Claire’s trust was to create a safe, supportive and caring therapeutic environment. The fact that Claire felt she could bring up the abuse to Pastor Steve indicates that she must have felt safe—safe that he would keep their conversations absolutely confidential. It was also clear that he communicated support for, and care towards, her. She did not feel Pastor Steve siding with George or making excuses for him. Pastor Steve also appeared to be nonjudgmental; he did not make Claire think it was her fault or that she was living outside God’s will. He validated her pain and suffering, and was quick to realize the very real threats that Claire lived under. Claire was able to see in Pastor Steve a real ally and support, someone who really cared and understood her, and valued her enough as an individual to be concerned about her safety and welfare. Pastor Steve, then, put Claire’s interests above his own preconceived notions of right and wrong. 3. What might a local congregation offer to a woman in Claire’s situation? I think a small group of professional women in the local church could befriend Claire and provide support for her. They should not be relied on to provide “safe haven” for Claire but they could be an emotional and tangible support like babysitting if the boys are younger, take them all for a weekend getaway, and include her in a women’s Bible Study. I also think that if a woman pastor is available she should work with Claire so that Pastor Steve’s involvement could be faded out eventually and he might then be able to work with George. 4. How would you assess Steve’s intervention with the Brown family? There are a couple of aspects to this true story that bother me. First Pastor Steve appears to be acting alone in providing support for Claire. I think this is most unwise given the intense and acute nature of the domestic violence. Therapists, social workers, and police officers should be involved in order to provide an adequate level of services for this type of situation. And second, Pastor Steve should not be the primary component of Claire’s safety plan. There is great potential for George to misconstrue Pastor Steve’s relationship with Claire in one of his drunken episodes and then to displace his anger on to Pastor Steve. In other words, it is quite possible that George will become violent toward Pastor Steve while in a state of pathological jealousy. 5. What is the next step in pastoral care? I believe Pastor Steve needs to help Claire realize that she needs a broader, multidisciplinary support team that includes the pastor, a therapist and social worker. Then Claire must be accommodated to the idea of involving the police and laying charges. Finally she will need a great deal of help in leaving this troubled relationship where her abusive partner exhibits controlling behaviour. David A. Clark, Ph.D. |
