 |
|
|
Mending Broken Hearts Response from a Therapist1. What do you see as Jill’s greatest needs as she begins life as a single parent with three children? Jill likely needs support and safety above all as she continues on with her life after this trauma and transition. Support from friends, family and her faith community will help her feel less isolated, help her cope with emotional stress and provide tangible support to her and her children. Safety is essential as well. A comprehensive and specific safety plan should be in place, for both Jill and her children. A local shelter or crisis center might be a good resource. A strong support network can help Jill and her children feel safe from future threats. I would want to know what Jill identifies as her greatest needs at this time. Supportive counseling, medical care, and legal assistance could also be at the top of her priority list. Lastly, on a personal note I would note that Jill needs to see her incredible strength and resilience that she demonstrated through her marriage. 2. How did Pastor Dennis begin to win Jill’s confidence? Rev. Dunhill acknowledged and validated Jill’s violent home situation. Even though the statement about putting Robert in the hospital if he hurt Jill again was not the most appropriate or supportive statement, it at least demonstrated to Jill that Rev. Dunhill believed that there was a problem. As noted in the narrative, Rev. Dunhill “helped Jill to see that she had options other than remaining with” Robert. He attended to her beliefs about faith and marriage vows when he “helped her to see that she had not broken the marriage covenant.” In addition, he considered the family as whole and did not ignore that the children were also at risk. Lastly, Rev. Dunhill supported Jill’s truth by testifying and supporting Jill in the divorce proceedings. He “encouraged her to put the safety of herself and her children as a primary goal.” 3. What might a local congregation offer to a woman in Jill’s situation? Again, support and safety is essential and a local congregation can play an integral role. They might be able to offer Jill and her family a place to stay, assistance in employment or financial matters, as well as other tangible support. A fundamental support could simply be in welcoming her in the community of faith, and keeping an open dialogue about relationship violence rather than turning away from this difficult topic. 4. How would you assess Dennis’ intervention with the Smith family? Would you have responded in a different or similar way? I see errors in Rev. Dunhill’s interventions as well as excellent interventions. He notes that in hindsight he would not have agreed to marry Jill and Robert. However, someone likely would have and then the couple would not have had Rev. Dunhill’s presence in the marriage at all. Staying involved when he saw dangers and “red flags” was essential. He was able, after some time, to understand that the relationship failed, not Jill. My role is that of a therapist and inherently different from Rev. Dunhill’s. In addition, I am a woman and someone who has worked with survivors of relationship violence. Therefore, I am sure that I would have responded differently. However, it is important to note that I am human. I might have wanted to believe in the good in people so much that I might not have seen how dire the situation was until I saw “evidence” as Rev. Dunhill did in the aftermath of a violent incident. That being noted, if I were to have worked with Jill in a counseling role I would have initiated safety planning and outside support as early as possible. I would keep her involved/in charge of every decision, so as not to take away her personal power. I would provide resources and offer to be a link between Jill and her faith community, if she in fact wanted their support. I would also try to engage her children in getting supportive counseling. If I had any reason to suspect child abuse or neglect I would have called the authorities and filed a report. 5. What would you see as the next step in pastoral care? I am not a pastoral counselor so I am not certain of the next step. I would think that consistently checking in with both Jill and Robert and continuing to be a source of support for the family would be the next steps. In addition, helping to expand Jill’s resources beyond the congregation would be an important step to take. Gretchen Reinders, Ph.D. |
